Top 5 poems for February 2011

Early Morning - Ali Archer
A Never Was Mum - Joanna Bucknall
The Waves - Paul Messis
Francis and Muriel - Amy Snuggs
Carnival Ride - Loreli (Lori A Lutz)

Early Morning

`Twas in the early morn when I at last began to see
The truth behind the reasons why; it's all now clear to me.
The changes and the differences began in subtle ways,
so hard to find the start or pin to one of many days

The hours pass with sleepless dreams with peace just never found.
Remembered conversations, going over the old ground.
The ticking clock pounds out a beat, tormenting loud and clear
the mocking voices shouting out the truth into my ear

Recalling now the hidden texts and secret whispered calls,
excuses made for dashing out to speak of 'work' in halls.
The lack of tenderness, which disappeared before my eyes;
the recognition, slow but sure, deceit; suspected lies

Why did we fail? I didn't change, did he? I guess we did.
He wanted more than I could give, and arguments amid
the hurt, confusion, lack of love, compounded little faults
that led to accusations, verbal battles and assaults

The day begins at last, with paracetamol and tea.
The lack of sleep and pounding head will take their toll on me.
But now I know the truth behind the grief I've had to bear,
a grief of my own making, brought about by my affair.

© Ali Archer

A Never Was Mum

Didn't know you were there
Didn't realise
No cause to take special care

Thought you were my meds
Didn't know
Just got worse though
Not better

Swollen breasts
Tender flesh
Flooded me with realisation
Far too slowly, you dawned on me

With two lines you were announced
Two lines murmured of your secret life
Growing inside me
With two lines your secret out

I cried
I did
Cried in surprise
Cried in shock
Cried in utter disbelief
Cried because I was told you could never happen
Cried because you did

There was snow on the ground
Snow cloaking all the trees
For just two weeks
Furry boots
Baggy tops
And two more little feet

You pushed me out
Demanding to be seen
Never kicked
But you were felt

When I woke that day
I couldn't feel you
But could eat

You started to say goodbye with pink
You frightened me
I took to the phone
Reassured repeatedly
For three days

It didn't start with pain
It started with blood
A hot wet knowing announced the arrival of loss
Your gruesome finale
Framed with fairy lights and a decked out tree

I cried
No!
I wept
Wept with realisation
Wept with your life evacuating through my desperately clutching fingers
Wept for you to stay
I wept because I was told you should never happen
Wept because now it feels like you never did.

© Joanna Bucknall

The Waves

The waves hit these cobbled stones
Rugged and confused, just like me.

The waves keep turning and turning
just like life, like me and you, we keep turning? Don't we?

The waves are mocking me and jesting
the clouds in the sky fill me with a yearning to be more close and less distant.

The waves are blue, just how I feel, the waves are calling for me.
To venture deep inside them just like they did with Evelyn Waugh, but unlike him I wish to never venture back onto this land of savagery and pain.

The waves bring to me memories both good and bad, this is the place where I looked deep within those eyes of mercury which tore open my soul and left me like dead wood upon the beach, leaving me washed up like the tide.

The waves are reminders of you, they bring a sense of calm and despair to my heart.

The waves will continue, I just hope that I can too.

© Paul Messis

Francis And Muriel

Little rose of yellow complexion
Sitting happily with such affection
Colour still as heavenly bright
As it were laid that November night

To a rose in a bed so little so few
The day the roses would reunite
The day she walked into the light.