The Food Mixer

The food mixer

The kitchen king sits firm and square,

In pride of place beside the sink.

Try and shift him if you dare,

He'll snarl and whirl,

Then twist and curl,

And slice your fingers bare.

Be not afraid, he's on a chain,

A tethered Captain Hook.

The safety catch is there to see,

He plays things by the book.

I took him up to Loughborough,

To show the students there,

His virtues many, vices few,

Intelligence to share.

"You lift his head", I then explain,

"The catch is on, he cannot spin,

When turning on the main".

He did not heed,

My fingers bleed,

Students? Laughing like a drain!

Never trust the maker's ads,

"Our product's safe as houses".

One mistake and that is how,

'Good Housewives' lose their spouses.